Get out of the “No!” rut

Do you ever feel like your parenting vocabulary has shrunk to a single word?no

“No” is a powerful word, but when used too often, it becomes background noise for your children and loses its impact. Also, saying “no” too often may make you feel more negative than you are.

If you are in the “No!” rut, try these tips.

Start by being mindful of when and why you say “no,” and of your children’s reactions when you say “no.”

“When, then” Phrasing

If you child asks if he can play outside but his homework isn’t done, answer with “Yes, when your homework is done, then you may go play.”

Be Funny

Kids love silliness so humor is often an effective strategy. If your daughter asks for candy for breakfast, you could say with a silly smile, “Absolutely! When pigs fly, everyone will have candy for breakfast!” Tickling or chasing can increase the laughter (and distraction factor!).

State What Should Happen Instead of What Shouldn’t

Describing the desired behavior gives your child a positive substitute for the offending behavior. Say “Use your inside voice,” instead of “stop yelling;” “We walk when we are in stores,” instead of “no running;” and “Hitting hurts. Use words instead of your hands,” instead of “no hitting.”

Set Up For Success

If your child is climbing the walls and jumping on furniture, instead of spending your day telling her to stop, change the setting if at all possible. Go to a playground or a park where she can run and jump.

Before shopping with your child, explain the plan. If you are going to a toy store to buy a gift, let him know that you are only buying a birthday gift, not anything for your child. If you are going to the grocery store, explain that you are shopping for dinner and not for candy or snacks.

Try to Say Yes as Often as Possible

Look for opportunities to say “yes.” As Dr. Sears says, “The fewer ‘no’s,’ the better your day goes.”